he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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