You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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