I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
