Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Randomize