the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
