the condom got lost in my hair
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
