i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
