Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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