whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
