is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
