Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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