umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
