Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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