I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
