first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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