Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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