she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
