Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Randomize
