I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he was CRYING into my vagina
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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