I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
