You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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