i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
