Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
