I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
