about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
