"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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