I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
