Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
is that a dick in a sweater?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
