some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
