Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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