the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
