Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
