something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
soo... how was my night?
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