It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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