Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Randomize
