This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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