Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
