We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
