I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I can text with my tongue
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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