just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
