I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
