woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
