Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
