My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
