you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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