dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
