i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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