Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Randomize
