I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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