i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
