so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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