How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The adults are the big ones right?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
