my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
