He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
