i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
