just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
