So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
