everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
