Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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