so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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