Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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