It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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