I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
