Kiss
Puke
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
