Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I want to make a zoo with you.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
