she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
