I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
