How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
