I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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