Walk of Shame. In a state park.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
