we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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