If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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